Why Are People So Afraid of Being ALONE?

Posted by on January 9, 2012

Have you ever done any of the following things by yourself?

  •  Gone to a Movie.
  •  Exercise.
  •  Gone on a Trip.
  •  Gone to a Concert.
  •  Gone for Dinner.

Why do people have a fear of doing these events alone? If you really wanted to do something (i.e., go to a concert), would you not go simply because you had no one to go with? I have a friend who went to this huge sport event by himself; he had an amazing time! Should he not have gone because he couldn’t find someone to go with? This sounds kind of silly; but in reality, it is a pretty common choice. I am partially guilty of this as well. Most people have to go to events with others.  These individuals wouldn’t even consider the possibility of going alone; they worry about being insulted, or having nothing to say, etc.  Individuals then think that the notion of being alone is a bad thing.

People need community and connectedness. I have mentioned this in previous blog posts. However, they also need connectedness to themselves. Many individuals spend so much time trying to impress others that they forget their true selves. Your relationships with others are important, but you should also try to get to know yourself better. You need both to have a fulfilling life.

My cousin sent me the following video last night, which made me think about this issue. Please have a look at it below.

If you only do the activities that others will do with you, you are limiting yourself from numerous opportunities where you could learn about yourself and perhaps meet new people.

You reading this are an amazing person!  You should not base your self-worth on what others think of you. It should come from within.

So this new year, I challenge you to not use this fear of being alone (monophobia) as a barrier from preventing you from going out there and becoming your best. It’s hard, but it so worth it! A couple of years ago, I wanted to try rowing, so I went out to a Learn to Row Course all by myself without knowing anyone. Look at how well that turned out!  Going out there on your own can work for you too!

Thoughts??

Thank you for reading and your presence at this beach retreat. You Rock! I’m looking forward to hearing your thoughts in the comment section below.

See you at the beach!

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9 Responses to Why Are People So Afraid of Being ALONE?

  1. anthonymagro

    What a great and self challenging piece. I can confidently say that I have ticked all your boxes including an international trip by myself. While I love the connection with friends, there is also the self connection you get with doing things alone.

    Traveling overseas to a non-English speaking country alone pushed me out of my comfort zone but also allowed me to do what I wanted to do rather than what other people wanted or expected.

    • ariannasrandomthoughts

      Thanks for the comment Anthony! I’m glad you have found my blog. That would be really exciting to go on a trip like that. I’m sure it was a challenging but overall rewarding experience. I agree with you – you need both the connection with others but also the self connection. I need to challenge myself and go on a trip like that.

  2. Cheryl Corbin

    Nicely done Arianna. Here is a thought for your next article: do you love that person for who they are are do you love who you are when you are with that person?

    • ariannasrandomthoughts

      Thanks Cheryl! Great suggestion. I was actually going to do the reverse and will also include your suggestion :) I will do in a couple days – do you love and respect yourself enough to not stay in an unhealthy relationship. Are you so afraid of being alone and respect the other person more that you stay in an unhealthy relationship? I had this spin in mind because of the work I have done on bullying.
      Keep up the feedback! Hope you have a great weekend.

  3. Katrina

    If I never did anything alone I would never do anything at all….if I want to go out for lunch I have to go alone….if I want to see a movie i go alone. It’s nothing to be afraid of doing….I tend to take a book with me when I go and have a coffee or a meal so it’s a way of being relaxed and i don’t get harassed or bothered….my husband works very long hours and is very busy so he is never there to take me anywhere and his spare time is for himself and for his pursuits….my kids are adult and older teenager so they like to do their own thing these days not go anywhere with a parent….and I don’t exactly have friends in this town that I could go and have a meal with …..somedays it can be a hard thing to do but I just make a date with myself and plan on keeping it

    • ariannasrandomthoughts

      Good on you Katrina! I have heard of many people that wont do these activities so it’s refreshing to hear your perspective.
      You also brought up another perspective – as many people think of the word alone and think single -and aim to be in relationships and have a family so have someone to do something with all the time. Reality is it isnt like that 100 percent of the time. You can feel alone or lonely in relationships too but shouldnt let those barriers stop you from getting out there and enjoying your life (like you are doing).

  4. Suzanne

    Easily ticked all those boxes. Glad I don’t have that fear as I would have missed out on some amazing life events if I had (such as travelling overseas, going to rock concerts etc).

    • ariannasrandomthoughts

      That’s awesome that you don’t have the fear. I encourage you this year to keep doing what you have been doing in the past and live life to the fullest. All the best in 2012.

  5. Maria

    I’ve spent a lot of time alone. Partner works a lot and has his own pursuits. We are ok but have different interests. Kids are adults. Haven’t found real connections in the community. So I do tend to do a lot of things alone doing things that I mostly enjoy. But there are times when I just feel angry about it and then sad. I still feel the need for some feedback from somewhere outside of myself.

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