Finding Your “PERFECT” Mate, and then they move away ?!?!

Posted by on January 29, 2012

What happens when you meet that special someone, and then they move away? Do you pursue them, or do you forget them and find another who lives closer to you?

I find I’m hearing this question a lot in my circle of friends and with others in their twenties and early thirties. Therefore, I thought I would share this question with you all.

Tell me if any of these scenarios sound familiar to you:

  • I met this special someone during school; after I graduated, I moved to a job somewhere else.
  • I met a special someone on vacation, and then we both had to go back to our “real” lives.
  • I met a really special person, then found out they have a job where they are travelling all of the time.

Your twenties and early thirties can be a transitional time, with people relocating for school, work, personal interest, etc. Many young people are moving across the country and around the world for better opportunities in their field of interest.  I find factoring a relationship into your life is hard when your career and school cause your life to be slightly unstable.  If you do date and then leave, you may appear to be a commitmentphobe.

So picture this:  You meet someone and befriend them, and you realize that this person would be someone you could consider marrying, as they have all the characteristics you would like in a mate.  However, you can’t continue your lives together as one has to go away for school and you stay in the city for work.  Even a city a minimal distance away, two hours for example, is still far as the other person won’t be with you day-to-day; they can only be with you on the weekends.

The communication aspect of such a relationship may not be affected by the distance; with the increase in technology, couples can keep up the contact.  I know many couples who chat daily using either the telephone, Skype, texting, IM, etc.

Despite this frequent communication, you may still lack the physical contact and close proximity of the person you care about.  This “special someone” is not physically present in your life on a daily basis.  Consequently, you may feel quite alone even though you are in a relationship.  Despite knowing your “special someone” is living and breathing elsewhere, you may feel that they are a fantasy – not real in your daily life. If you stop talking to them, you may feel like the person is lost from your life.

Many of my friends and acquantainces have lived with such circumstances.  The separation can be hard on their lives and relationship.  In these circumstances, what happens if the couple is separated for a long time? Should each try to move on to someone new, or should they try to remain connected to each other?

Therefore, my questions for thought are:  Do you forget about this distant “special person” and move on to someone who is in your city at the moment?

If so, how do you forget about this someone who a) you don’t really want to forget and b) with whom others seem incomparable?

It’s hard to remain close to someone who is far away.

My advice: Never give up on someone who is special to you. True relationships always find a way of working out.

7 Responses to Finding Your “PERFECT” Mate, and then they move away ?!?!

  1. greenbek

    I seriously need to thank you for writing this post! I’m currently in a great relationship with the most amazing guy but I question if its financially unhealthy for me to continue living here with him. For the past few weeks I’ve been contemplating moving back to my hometown in Texas where I may have a better chance of finding work even though the distance would likely end our relationship. Reading your post reminded me of just how happy I am with him and how that happiness is worth fighting for.

    • ariannasrandomthoughts

      It’s a hard situation and it looks like you have some deciding to do Relationships are really important and are all about balance and compromise – and you guys sound really happy.

  2. Diana

    Ive just met this guy a couple of weeks ago, hes been tutoring me for physics. I know its probably too soon and I dont know if its right but I feel completely mesmerized by him, Ive never felt anything like it. Hes everything I would want in a guy, I never knew such a person existed. Everything from the way he thinks, his point of view on life and his simple has me completely dumbfounded. I really am not exagerating i honestly have never felt like this about absolutely anyone. We like the same things enjoy the same hobbies, there is such a scary similarity between us i cant believe it, hes a complete gentlemen polite, honest good values. The thing is he is moving back to Colombia in a few weeks and then hell be off to Germany. I dont think Ill ever get the chance to see him again. Im completely dishearted…. What can I do? Should I ask to keep in contact or would that be something too direct too soon? :(

    • Arianna Merritt, M. Ed.

      Diana thanks for sharing! It sounds like you have met a wonderful guy. I don’t think its too direct to ask to keep in contact. I would keep it casual and ask for his social media usernames or email. That would be a friendly thing to do to start. Who knows what may result from it :)

  3. leane puffer

    If a guy i liked moved to mexico i feel he was the person for me do i move there hes gpne for three years hes helping to rebuild the towns what do i do dont know where exaclty he is helpi

  4. txa1265

    Wow … that is a really tough question – no easy answers there! My wife and I lived in different states for a year before we were engaged (she went back to graduate work in Albany, I was working outside of Boston). I traveled a lot, and when she was done we were engaged and moved in together. Tough year – long distance dynamics are challenging even though we’d known each other 3 years when she went to Albany.

    Oh, and that was just about 24 years ago … so obviously the hard work across the miles was worth it! :)

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